Monday, March 10, 2008

The Ballad of the gnarly fairy

Once upon a time there was little girl who became enchanted by the fairies that she saw. One blustery pre-snowday her mom took her to the crafty shoppe and lo and behold they saw the most beeeutiful shiny sparkle purple fairy iron applique they had ever seen. It was $6. The pragmatic momma said..."Sheeesh!! that is kind of expensive for crafty project-- but we will certainly be stuck inside, and how hard can an iron transfer be? It will be a raging success." The momma paid for the silly project and it's accompanying fresh white t-shirt, size SM. They drove home and were waylaid by friends who had better ideas and the iron transfer was put away and forgotten...time passed Until there was the dreaded "half day". AH! Thought the momma a perfect opportunity to get that huge ass stencil out of my drawer. Upon starting the project they discovered the shirt had to be laundered first. "Well, thought the mom of fairygirl, I haven't ever done that before." but upon remembering all the previous iron on projects perhaps the instructions should be followed. Fairydaughter got a quick lesson in which button to push on the washer...Fairygirl waited (played Katamari) for the washer to remove all the glossy toxins then she tossed the shirt and it's accompanying load of dishtowels into the dryer. (insert more Katamari) FINALLY with the iron set to cotton and square of "thin material" Fairygirl was careful to a.) place transfer design side UP (gosh thinks momma that seems odd) and b.) use "firm circular motions" for "up to ten minutes." Ten minutes later...With great anticiaption Fairygirl carefully peeled back the "protective thin material" to see NOT the purple glitter fairy outlined on the snowy white cotton tee. No, indeed dear reader, Fairy girl saw a very warm transfer and smooth as goose shit t-shirt.

Hmmmm, Momma reviewed directions, "transfer design UP." Okay we will flip it over-- perhaps fairies have a different version of "UP". Momma wonders if the directions printed in Spanish and German are any more helpful. "Up to ten minutes later" Fairygirl again peeks under the steaming layers of fabric. NOTHING. well...Momma decides to peel off the heavy plastic (noting the instructions MUST be wrong) and this time the "present adult" rotated the iron of ineffective-osity. When the third time was not a charm, both Fairygirl and CookingMama (we got sick of Katamari) decide this project was a wash and they just hoped they could get the iron burn mark out of the t-shirt with oxyclean. When suddenly for some bizarre reason...Fairy girl sat the iron down on the applique.
The bare naked, no plastic sheet, no protective thin layer of material.
The beautiful sylph in all her purple glitter glory leaped like an apparating bunny onto the hot metal of the previously spotless iron (It was/is less than three years old).
She tattooed her ephemeral beauty right into the steam holes.
Her face melted into a warped and deformed stencil of hideous glitter glop. Where she was once a magical being of youthful radiance she became a horrendous mess similar to the gum on ones shoe--the gum with tp stuck in it. "It" being the sole of your Doc Martens. ugh.

Well. That project failed.

5 comments:

biscodo said...

ooookeedoke... You had me at "The bare naked, no plastic sheet, no protective thin layer of material." As in: I blorted. If I'd been drinking milk, it'd have gone up my nose.

So sorry to hear about your iron. :( Do the faeries' HMOs cover reconstructive surgery?

Gwyneth said...

Okay, if it wasn't such a funny story I would be feeling very sad for fairygirl and her mom. Kinda like dropping your ice cream off the cone.

Gwyneth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deborah said...

Poor Izzy and Mom. All that work , and I spit coffee all the computer screen.....lol Fear not I did that once, completely ruined a tefflon coated iron! I used some cleaning product of ones fathers'. Oh my , the tefflon curled up in a stinking mess.. should of heard me explain that one !

Ypsipearl said...

I abhor anything having to do with an iron. And crafts are such a chore...and this story just brings it all on home.