Tuesday, January 6, 2009


I joined a gym. Actually I joined a thing...The Health and Fitness Center at WCC. The place on the whole is pretty impressive, heated towels, the lockers work, the showers have doors and the membership is on sale till Feb 15. (I saved $100!) Sunday in a fit of motivation I stopped in and got a contract. I really just wanted a yoga class. I haven't taken one since Crystal moved to New York. This place is NICE, almost posh--wood grain lockers, and peeps! So far I have seen my Literacy Buddy Ele; Sam (actually Julie tipped me off to this place about two years ago). I have also caught sight of 'Nette & Krause and my "fearless leader" Russ--who isn't the Dept. Head anymore but will still crack Rocky & Bullwinkle jokes with me.

This morning I participated in an Aqua aerobics class. OMG!!! I was laughing so hard. I kept getting these bizarre visions that were spawned I am sure by the CORNY music. Now don't get me wrong I am totally going back Thursday but the music the teacher chose was GOO oooh OOFY! All patriotic marches and shit which granted is great for jumping up and down to but combined with the surprisingly buoyant salt water in the pool and the tidal current generated by my mushy and sizable classmates and the fact that I was barefoot (apparently we now wear shoes in the pool --didn't do that the last time *i* took Aqua aerobics--but that was ten years ago when I was preggers w/Izzy. C'est la vie.

Okay so imagine me treading water in this rather warm salt water womb. I am surrounded by a small herd of decidedly UNfit ladies bobbing up & down. All of whom look like they just walked out of the kitchen of a Hungarian Reform Church. They have hairsprayed coiffures (many of whom did not get WET at all--the whole time!) and those swimmy suits with the skirts attached. Honestly, what designer was doing what drug when they decided that a "swim skirt" was gonna hide 40 years of cellulite?? God Bless America starts playing and the bobbing becomes more frenzied. I of course imagine Stephen Colbert leading the class. She isn't Stephen Colbert, she isn't even Tek Jansen, BUT the nice teacher did remind me to move up to the shallow side of the pool so I didn't drown. Hmmm--that helped but the waves were still crashing around my face as the Church Ladies began their workout in earnest--often the teacher would get us all moving in a conga line (can walruses conga? YES.YES they CAN!), the water would form a whirlpool and then the NiceTeacher would direct us to all reverse direction and do the fun dance step AGAINST the current--the music changed to what I can only think of as a "cotillion song" It was some Early American down south kinda ballroom song and I immediately envision Bill (yes from Trueblood) in his Confederate soldier uniform and seems how we are doing a waltz I decide to pretend he is my dance partner and my addled brain wanders off into a daydream that has me wearing the drapery dress from Gone With the Wind and sexxyVampireBill whispering "Sookie"--then the music changed. Damn that was working for me!

Actually the whole executing various dance steps in the incredibly bouyant water was the closest I have felt like the 89 pound me I remember. The muscle memory surprised me. I felt light and graceful. I felt like ME--The rock hard abs me who was a letter winning gymnast and ballet/tap/jazz freak on weekends.

So the music changes to what can only be described as hoedown music. And yes..we are doing the frog like jump side kicky move you can imagine if you think of Stinky Pete and his XXX jug celebrating a new gold mine. Sheesh-- I couldn't help it--I kept laughing and making the lady next to me laugh and we cracked jokes about getting cowboy boots instead of pool shoes. It was good as long I kept imagining various dance partners. Then it was some kind of Coyote Ugly music and we were line dancing.

Oh holy crap. I really hope Thursday's music is different!!

1 comment:

Gwyneth said...

I did Jazzercise for a couple of years in the early 90's, and the teacher finally told us we had to suggest music for her to use or to stop complaining. It was funny then!