OCTOBER 2019. I did it. Personal TMI

THE REBOOT: I am proud of me.

Step One: I have done a good job this past month of getting my brain wrapped around an idea that frankly, scared me. It had been easier to just not care. That idea was that I can't eat grief pringles and play video games 24-7. Writing isn't cardio. Baking isn't strength training.

You see, I made it through the anniversary of 2017 Grief Week without shutting down. I wasn't sure I was ready to commit to eating right and working out nearly every day like I did back 2014-17. I got down to 150, and now I see FB pics and I am like what happened? I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. #DUMPSTER FIRE. I felt sorry for myself. That was hard work, for years, and that it all went to hell so quickly? It was very disheartening. My natural bend toward the existential ponderments spiraled into WHY? FUCK IT. I lost Gretch in 2013. That was only the beginning. Losing Kathryn. My uncle's suicide, a whole list of celebrities that I truly admired. Vicky and Daddy in the same week! Plus, 45 happened and kept happening! I felt like the world was ending. It just seemed fruitless.  It seemed like every time I turned around someone I loved was dying. Ray in 2018. On one hand, I had basically empty nest syndrome and menopause. On the other, constantly fighting with Hashi's. I just felt hollow and didn't care.

I care again. I see things in the future for which I want to be fit.

Step Two: I am promising myself to getting back down to 150. I know what to do. I did it. I just have to do it again.

Ruble Castle

We flew out to L.A. Just to visit Matt and Fabi. I wanted to check out their new place in Glendora CA. To get a feel for their daily life. Ya know, chameleons and cactus versus the squirrels and evergreens of Michigan.

Ironically, while they were at work, Pete and I checked out this amazing place. I came out of it fascinated and inspired. Truly awestruck. Never have I been so impressed with the importance of play. Whimsy and imagination coupled with the strength and focus of an adult.  The ability to have teeter-totters and bBall hoops next to fully functioning kitchens that feed and shower an ever changing number of volunteer friends helping you achieve your dream. There are books. http://www.glendorahistoricalsociety.org/castle/

I get this guy's vision. I am in love, partially because the rusted vehicles reminded me so strongly of my grandpa. But, my pride for this guy's determination and success is because I often fantasize about a hippy commune for my friends. He did it! A little dash of prepper, a lot of ingenuity and teamwork.

wind power

Mr Macy and his hat!

Mannequin indicates dumb waiter #2.

The farm has oranges, olives, kumquats, hens, poms,

One of the kitchens.

the "guest house"

His home base while work circled around him.

cable the schoolkids salvaged

makers spaces EVERYWHERE

People LIVE HERE

100 lbs of popcorn for his Mom's Hollywood pal parties.

This place had SUCH GOOD KARMA.  Amazing.

It figures...

Ya know how some days ya sit and stare at the blinky cursor/empty page and there is nothing happening? The dogs can't verbally respond to your attempts at conversation and it just seems like a LONG DAY? Ya just sort of feel pathetic and alone? BUT THEN ALL THE THINGS HAPPEN ON ONE DAY? 

We have been checking some long overdue projects off the "This Old House" list.  The penultimate kitchen project is the back splash and it is in progress. Tomorrow might be the end of that. Twelve years of no back splash in the kitchen? My "tall left handed guy" joke is truly clarified when you realize they just didn't use the counter for real cooking. My sloppy pie filling and pastry making actual USE of the counters resulted in some ugly brown paint just getting uglier. SO yeah, we are at the midway point for the back splash.

In other news, Ya know how people ask, "Can I get you anything?" FOR TWELVE YEARS... I have been a smart ass responding with, "A flat tummy, a jet? A fence! I would like a fence please!" Guess what is officially underway? We are fencing in "the back yard"! It is really only about 1/8 of our three acres, but it is gonna improve my sanity by leaps and bounds. Luna has been very good about staying on our property but lately, as she ages, she has taken to sort of just meandering off into the subdivision. The chickens go into the woods and don't come out willingly and can we talk about rambunctious Keiki, who is enamored of squirrels and birds and will obsessively chase them right into the road? This fence is gonna be wonderful.

Spent Grain Dog Biscuits

Pete made porter, I was so relieved to finally be able to use the grains the  way I wanted to. Granted much of that was just chucking the stuff at the chickens, but I did just make my first ever batch of dog biscuits.  Two cups of used up barley and leftover grain from the porter, one egg, one cup of flour, 1/2 cup of peanut butter, 350F for 30 minutes and then we shall see how the dehydration bit goes. I do not have cute dog bone cookie cutter. Might have to remedy that.