January 9-2018

After Christmas we took up the offer some dear friends had made to us. Chris&Bob moved from Michigan to Ewa Beach, Oahu...yeah... HAWAII!  It took some juggling but we were finally able to accept their invitation. Over the next few entries I will try to begin and express how sublime this time at their new home felt to us frozen mainlanders. The warmth, the sun and the ever present Pacific thankfully re-booted the depressive spiral I was experiencing. The entire year of 2017 sucked, from the very beginning. Cancer is foul. My friend KL passed on 1.14.17. I had the double whammy of what I am calling "Grief Week" when in October I lost, V. --a friend who was as close as a sister and my beloved father, within days of each other.  All three deaths were cancerous.

I was in a deep funk. The cloudy Michigan weather was the final straw.  I owned all the stress of being married to a doc. I let my dysfunctional thyroid win. The menopause, that continues to fuck with me, well, I just rolled over like a submissive puppy. I accepted the sadness of my borderline empty nest syndrome. The frustration with the "election" of 45 --everything that I could normally deal with as a functioning adult-- I just stopped. I stayed in my pjs. I ate pringles and played video games. (thank goodness for Hinterland and The Long Dark. It kept me sane and continues to be a joy.) I just did not care. At all. About anything. I faked it with the 'kids', but they were starting to figure it out. My husband finally expressed concern. My endocrinologist summed it up by saying, "It is all still raw."

Until I opened the guest bedroom window. I realized the sun was shining and there was no discernable difference in temperature between the world outside and the house in which I stood. I wanted to go explore.

Our friends had met us at the airport with beautiful fresh leis. They welcomed us with smiles and open arms. Matcha covered macadamia nuts and towels folded like a Disney resort. They arranged and planned special activities everyday and I am so immensely grateful. I experienced things I never thought I would be able to appreciate in person. Hawaii is a different world. I plan to remember it here.